have a kimber day

Disclaimer – I’m not actually sure this is legit, but I hope it is.
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To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded
that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s
purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across
this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect
you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing
the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber
Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it
is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … Isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come
from with that brown sludge in your pants.. I’m sure it was even
worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or
running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went
and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the
gas station,—on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home
took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked
at the curb … After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed
the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for
a little over a day now, so what ’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed
to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI,
while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … But I feel this
type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these
rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path
you’ve chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so
lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully Yours,
Alex

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insanely cool video of our galactic center

16 year timelapse of stars orbiting galactic core.
This can’t be real can it?

It was brought to my attention that the original post
of this had a broken link. The original post of this was
posted in October of 2005. I found the new link and
I am still awed by this video. Have a look.

eso.org – 16 year time lapse

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scratch my back

Peter Gabriel has made a cover album with twelve songs from
an impressive list of artists. There are no drums or guitars in
these covers, it’s only Peter singing over orchestral
reinterpretations their songs. Peter has made one of his new
covers available before the album is released on the 15th of
this month.
Peter covers Arcade Fire’s song called “My Body is a Cage”
and I like it. I think I like it better than Arcade Fire’s original.
Below is Arcade Fire’s video of “My Body is a Cage”. Have a
watch and listen, ( I like the video), then click the link below.
Read Stereogum’s article on the album and listen to Peter
Gabriel’s cover and let me know what you think. I’d like to
hear your thoughts.

stereogum.com

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up, up and away

In 1960, the world record for highest freefall was set by a
Frenchman named Michel Fournier as he stepped out of a
high altitude balloon from 102,800 feet and made history.
That is over 40,000 feet or over 7.5 miles above the
Armstrong line which is the point at which the atmospheric
pressure is so low that liquids begin to boil. For humans,
that spells death within minutes as your body fluids boil
off if your pressure suit tears or your face mask opens.
Fournier’s free fall lasted 4 minutes and 32 seconds and is
still the world record to this day. Fournier tried to break
his own record back in 1980 but to everyone’s amazement
his specialized gondola attached to the high altitude helium
balloon accidentally took off without him. How do you
explain that one?

Enter Felix Baumgartner. Austrian-born skydiving daredevil
who glided 22 miles across the English Channel with a 6-foot
wing strapped to his back after jumping from 33,000 feet
back in 2003. That must have been fun. Felix plans to shatter
the record by jumping from 120,000 feet up and well into the
stratosphere. The freefall should last for just over 5 minutes.
Fournier set the record for the USAF as part of testing for
flight crews that needed to bail out at high altitudes.
Baumgartner is doing it for the record.

Oh, and one last thing. Baumgartner plans to do this
sometime in 2010. He’d better hurry because Fournier
also plans to break the record this year too. This time
however he won’t be working for the USAF.

jetlib.com

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unhappy hipsters

It’s lonely in the modern world and this blog does a nice job
of bringing this phenomenon to our attention. Now that the
problem has been identified, a diagnosis should follow soon.
Thank God and try not to laugh too hard at these people.

Maybe naming him Rimbaud wasn’t such a good idea.

(Photo: Ake E:son Lindman; Dwell, February 2009)

unhappyhipsters.com

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