New Living Will Form

I, ______________________, being of sound
mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely
by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my
fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who
couldn’t pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended
on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up
and ask for (please initial all that apply)

___ a glass of wine,
___ a margarita,
___ a beer,
___ a steak,
___ the remote control,
___ a bowl of ice cream,
___ a Scotch on the rocks,
___ sex,

it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
appointed person and attending physicians to pull the
plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the
Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life support
machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind
their own damn business, and pay attention instead to
the future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a
permanent coma.

Signature: ______________________

Date: ______________________ Witness: ______________________

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Russia’s Biggest Spammer Murdered

40 whacks!

Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to

each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail address, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday, Interfax reported Monday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head.
Spammers beware, people are getting sick of your
shit! I for one certainly am.

MOSNEWS.COM

kf6hqc

Homestars

personal planetarium

(This is a Bablefish translation from Japanese)

Japan of today, in the especially metropolitan
area, the star has become difficult to be visible
depending upon neon and the excessive use
etc. of the nighttime illumination. This product
was developed including a request that we
would like you to experience the starry sky
original beauty which is you being lost, easily
at the home

This actually looks like a cool little personal
planetarium.

See for yourself, Homestar

kf6hqc

Wired News: Grand Theft Auto Meets Robocop

peek-a-boo  you're busted

An automatic license-plate reader that can scan 500
license plates an hour looking for stolen vehicles
underwent its first field tests by the Los Angeles
County Sheriff’s Department last week.

Using character-recognition technology developed
for the Italian Post Office to read postal addresses,
four robot eyes in the course of one night queried
more than 12,000 license plates, recovered seven
stolen cars and resulted in three arrests.

Grand Theft Auto Meets Robocop

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